Over the last few weeks, I found out two interesting things about my character.
First a little background. I have an old car. I like to drive them until the wheels fall off. This car has been hit a few times so it has some dents. What is more, my grandpa told me if I sanded the car, he would paint it for me. I got halfway through sanding it and realized I didn’t care. My neighbor saw it a few weeks later and asked if I had been in an accident and thought it had been burned. That is my ride. Miles away from being pimped.
I typically think, if you have a problem with that, that is your problem. It is more eco-friendly to keep an old car than to purchase a new one. There is a higher carbon footprint that goes into creating a new car. Plus it gets decent gas mileage. And besides my wife, I really don’t feel like I have to impress anyone.
Also, after my son was born we switched cars since mine has more room. No longer in total control of my car, it usually has banana peels and orange rinds in every crevice. Furthermore, my wife drinks out of this mason jar which doesn’t fit in the regular cup holders so she made a cup holder out of cardboard.
But where the rubber meets the road, so to speak, is when it comes to the valet.
Recently we stayed at the Hilton in Southlake Town Center. This is a really nice neighborhood and my wife wanted to stay at this hotel. So with my Employee of the Month winnings, I thought we would splurge.
The thing is they have a free valet. We had parked further away, walked all around, and then went to the hotel. My wife wanted the car to be parked close. I really didn’t want to do the valet and she said she would do it.
She acted like it was no big deal but when it came time to pick up the car she gave me the ticket and bolted.
So when the guy drove up with the car looking around for her I was like, “Me. That’s my piece of shit. Right over here.”
Whatever I tipped the guy probably felt like it wasn’t enough.
I picked her up on the other side of the block and thanked her for allowing me to feel what was the worst of my fears and realize it wasn’t quite so bad. Then she related to me how it was worse for her than she originally let on.
Rolling up like the Beverly Hillbillies to the Hilton was an enlightening event for both of us. It proved that you can feel like you look down on others for displays of opulence and not adhering to your minimalistic views but the Hilton valet is the great equalizer for pretentious hippies.
Secondly, my wife took her sister out dancing and my sister in law left her “shaded pink lip balm” in the car that I drive. When I drove to work on Monday I noticed it and had a chuckle thinking about the role reversal of finding evidence of a spouse with “another woman”.
Later in the week, my wife took the same car and noticed the very feminine chapstick and wondered, “why would he have picked that?”
I laughed and was grateful that her first thought wasn’t that it was another woman. I felt good that I live in such a way that she would assume I bought an obviously feminine product over thinking that some other female had left it in my car.